I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I enjoy the company of your penis
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
