If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
