there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
