I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
