She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
