Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
