Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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