I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
