Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
