My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
