sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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