I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
