You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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