I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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