go do what you do best...puke behind churches
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
