I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
