If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
