Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My dick has a subreddit
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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