my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
