Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
