did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
