absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
