i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
