I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
