I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
