So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
