I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
