we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
