if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
