yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
