i just google imaged poop.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
