If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
