I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
