Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
