carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
