Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
