If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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