At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
