Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Vodka?
Forever.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
