i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
