You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
