Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
