i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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