apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
