We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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