my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Ladies don't puke and tell
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
