After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
