remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
