Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
