i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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