i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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