Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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