in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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